Tetrahydrocannabinol The High (Death by brutality)

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Tetrahydrocannabinol The High (Death by brutality)

Post by Tetrahydrocannabinol on Sat Jan 24, 2015 10:52 pm


Appearance


Vicente stands at full height six foot. Based on the occasion he has several outfits which he wears. These are listed below, Outside of these outfits there are consisting factors which are always present no matter which outfit he wears. The first is his dyed hair. Depending on the light it can seem quite bright or quite dark. Second in the list is his eyes. Upon his eyes are special contacts which make his eyes seem like a purple. Usually these contacts make his eyes bright purple but sometimes they seem to darken for reasons yet unknown to Vic though he suspects it's the light.

Thirdly, being a vampire his circulation system is still. Because of this he finds his skin is quite pale bordering on people often commenting if he's sick or hates sunlight. Last but not least his nails are painted purple in color and reach far enough from his fingers to cause quite the damage through scratching. He's athletic in build with strong firm six pack abs even though he looks extremely feminine. His face conforms to a natural look that he holds dear. He bears a somewhat long looking face with a 10.1cm long tongue due to a deformity at birth.:

RSF Wear:

When on duty with in a mission or other official business Vicente wears a black double breasted overcoat which reaches to his ankles. On the left breast of this coat he bears a deep red rose. Underneath his coat he bears a black silken dress shirt buttoned to the neck. Oddly enough no tie is adorned with this outfit for reasons he won't reveal. His lower body is covered by a pair of suit pants which are black in color. These pants seem perfectly pressed and reach down to his ankles without showing any ankle at all. Underneath his pants he wears black combat boots which reach to halfway up his shin.

Formal Tux:

In a formal setting where battle is not intended Vicente wears a regal looking black suit. This suit bears a white silken undershirt adorned by a tie around his neck. Following this, his pants are black in color reaching to his dress shoes showing no socks what-so-ever. The shoes are Pardo Derby styled by Magnanni.

Casual Wear:

Casual Wear better pic:

These are the clothes that Vicente wears when out and about in casual socialization. Being quite the rebel he enjoys dressing akin to modern Gothic culture. With this in mind he tends to enjoy wearing a somewhat tight neck belt with chromed iron. For a necklace he wears a small framed picture. Sadly there is no picture inside the object as of yet. Upon his eyes he bears three studs on the lower part of his ear with three rings on the upper.

His chest is clothed by a frayed and slightly torn undershirt made of soft cotton. Above this he wears a sort of cloth coat with frayed and torn sleeves which he keeps held by miniature belts around his upper arm. His left wrist bears a double heart bracelet curved over on itself. Added to this his right wrist bears a somewhat loose studded bracelet.

Vic's left pointer finger bears a ring with the ancient symbol for death, a skull. Upon his waist, or rather below his waist he wears a leather belt with the same jewelry pieces. One piece of chain reaches from his belt to his neck tying the two belts together. His pants are a cotton like pair of slightly baggy black pants. Being generic pants with pockets he felt it was better suited to his casual look. For his feet he bears simple black sneakers which remain snug to his feet despite the rest of his clothes being slightly baggy.

Pajamas:

For social interactions when there is nothing but his room or home involved he usually wears a type of robe. This silken almost kimono like robe gives him free reign to move about unhindered and comfortable.


Equipment


Misc Items:
Stashed on his person at all times is his old Russian Military Spec-Ops ID which allows him access to most areas as it, oddly enough is still valid.


Name:
Reverentia
(Reverence)

Description:
This weapon is a simple .45 AMT Hardballer Longslide pistol with HP rounds tipped in silver. This also has an optional Suppressor. It's also to note that on the slide is engraved the name of the weapon, Reverentia. Vic also likes to add special things to his bullets sometimes, such as engraving the words 'your name' so he can tell someone that there's a bullet with your name on it.

When on missions he carries 9 mags total, 8 on his person and 1 chambered ready for use all with 8 bullets each. At any other time he carries 5 Mags total, 4 stashed on his person and 1 chambered all with 8 bullets each.

Spoiler:

Abilities:
N/A



Name:
N/A

Description:
These are a basic pair of combat knives, one strapped to his left boot and one to his right side. These knives are made of steel. The blades themselves are seven inches with an added three or so inches as the handle.

Spoiler:

Abilities:
N/A


Name:
Sacculum cum infinito spatii

Description:

A simple small satchel that the user wears on their shoulder.
Spoiler:

Abilities:
This satchel is designed to allow storage of any and all types of plants physically expelling anything not related to Botany.



Personality


Vicente is quite the interesting character. Some think he might be either bipolar or perhaps mentally unstable but in reality he's had experience in psychology. At first Vic seems like an abrasive, rude, perverted, and generally ill gotten character. Most males he tells off where the females he USUALLY harasses sexually with comments. Along with this, being a vampire and all he finds a tiny thirst for blood and things that would just make others say, why Vic...why.

This is not the only Vic there is however. Those that have his trust and compassion such as Organization mates are treated as a normal person, an equal if you will. He displays a falsehood of cokieness, abrasiveness, and rude behavior in order to distract his opponents from his more intelligent side. Speaking of which, Vic has the uncanny ability to what seems like just shut down his emotional centers. By that I mean that he can literally seem like an unemotional statute that moves by some sort of mystic clockwork machine. This effectively can unbalance some people by taking their minds off of the battle for an instant.

Vic tends to enjoy playing mind games. With that in mind, chess/checkers is usually a viable option of relaxation. This is of course if he's not training with his knives or shooting at the range. Then again because of his completely rebellious attitude he may even just randomly go for a walk on the beach because he feels like it. One thing is to note sadly however, when he goes on walks he always, I mean ALWAYS, winds up in trouble SOMEHOW. To keep with his insanity defense type of appearance he loves to take blood baths as well. Simply splattering blood everything while yelling "weee. Come play with me" at total strangers. Quite odd I know. Vicente manages to keep himself occupied, when not getting in trouble, with two hobbies. The first being botanical research and knowledge. The second of course is the most odd and out of character. He enjoys, quite a lot actually, calligraphy.

It's been said that Vicente is well endowed. Well in regards to psychology at least. With this in mind, it would be quite rude not to mention the utter ridiculousness he partakes in to make people believe he truly is insane. By this I mean that at times, like his favorite comic book character, he tends to break the fourth wall and address the reader. This of course is quite confusing to everyone else around him as well, he's batshit insane. He's been known to make comments about how slow the reader is reading or if they're reading too fast. Sometimes he'll even attempt to argue with the reader. Well obviously the argument is one sided as there's no one actually there he's talking to. Quite the interesting fellow, isn't he?


Abilities


Newborn:
Regenerative Potential:
Level 1 (15 posts for major damage)

Physical Abilities:
Level 0 (Initial vampirism catapults any individual to the peak of human strength, agility, stamina and reflexes)

Durability:
Level 0 (No noticeable difference compared to an average human), susceptible to unblessed damage (can still prove fatal in excessive amounts)

Additional Abilities:

Ability to turn people of the opposite sex into vampires like themselves by allowing a victim to ingest their blood, drain a victim of blood to turn them into very weak Revenants, required to drink blood often, large weakness to sunlight (causes burning sensation), sink in large bodies of water and cannot cross unassisted, become 1 level weaker in all appropriate abilities when surrounded by running water.


Master level Botany:
Vic nis able to create poisons, elixirs, and so forth from herbs found around the area.

Expert Illusionary Skills:

The Third Level of Illusionary Skill will be debated/Unlocked at a higher level of Vampirism

The main ability that was given to Vic since birth was his latent ability at illusions. Though it wasn't until he found an odd little Cannabis plant which allowed to him infuse his magics with the smoke, enhancing his ability to stimulate and impose false realities upon others. Using this power is strictly a last resort as it disables any sort of stealth that he's able to perform except with in the falsehoods which he imposes as reality. In essence, any who smell the cannabis's enchanting fragrance becomes entranced by the practitioner's imposed reality. To cast illusions without using the cannabis(sometimes with using it he will say a small sentence in latin which describes the illusion.)

Level 1


There are three forms of his illusions ranging from weakest to strongest. The first is based on sight. If someone looks directly into his eyes, or a designated finger for the illusion, Vicente is able to impose his own reality upon the opponent. However, being as this is so far away from the opponent the magics is not as strong to bond. Aergo Vicente is limited to only producing visual themed falsehoods. These types of Illusions last 4 posts as they not harm the opponent.

Level 2


The next best thing to this is using Cannabis smoke. Arguably it can be considered weaker than the first if used at a greater distance. The infused magic is able to alter both sight and smell. This allows Vicente to give the person a run for two of their senses. These types of illusions last 2 posts

Level 3


Vicenete's final and last resort illusionary power is engaged by touch. Whereby, the opponent is engulfed in a falsehood which torments, sight, hearing, touch, and smell. Using this false reality, Vicente may mold this reality to his own ends in any way he sees fit. This technique will last for 1 post. Counted to that the cooldown for use will be one extra post after use. This technique can convey pain due to the mental acuity of the brain to be unable to perceive the falsehoods as falsehoods as it does with dreams or day-dreams. In essence, the captured person will be unable to tell the pain or threat is not real. There is residual pain based on the healing properties of the opponent, pain which is perceived by larger wounds would still be there. So in explanation, the pain lasts how long the brain thinks it's healing it or needs healing.


Multilingual:
Vicente knows Russian, English, and Latin.

Trained Marksmanship and Knife Fighting skills:

It wouldn't be said that he's a master of this art however he's more akin to an expert. His ability was trained during his time as a Russian Military Soldier.



Biography


Vicente was born in Ukraine, 1991. He went to school like a normal child learning Russian. The only truly notable event during his high school years was the Orange Revolution which he felt no obligatory need to participate in as he felt the Government wasn't really interested in his thoughts anyway. At the age of seventeen he met a mysterious twenty four year old woman who seemed interesting in him. Obviously this was a tiny bit weird but he went with it, she was hot after all. Later it would be revealed that her interest in him was for companionship for eternity. Little did he knew that meant actual eternity. His life in school was largely uneventful except for the experimentation in THC, Botany, and Chemistry. At last he graduated at the age of eighteen. For two years he attended the military tours of Ukraine, the first year being Conscripted and the second voluntary.

After his service ended he found himself at a loss for what to do. For a few days he simply wandered around town from time to time. It was during these wanderings that he met a new friend that knew MMA. He found out this person knew MMA because they both joined a gym. It was at this gym where he practiced his combat skills and met the new friend. Eventually they seemed like good friends and even decided to hang out. Oddly enough however, he also found out around this time that he had latent Illusionary powers. This was passed down by his father's bloodline which held Illusionary Prowess which he didn't know. With that, he practiced until he was able to control it. Of course he found that it was interesting if he combined it with a certain Botanical plant known as Cannabis.

For two years he trained with this man learning new techniques and even bettering his current ones. Also during this time he attended a school which he went to solely learn English, Latin, Botany, and Chemistry. Latin was for learning old scripts about magics and of course English to allow barriers in language to not affect his social skills. The starting of this year was when all hell broke loose. Vic's Fiance had asked if he loved her. After saying yes she asked if he wanted to be with her forever. Once again he replied with yes. He was turned into a vampire shortly after to start their new eternal happiness fairy tale which Vic didn't exactly want. In fact he was asleep when the turn took place. Of course with all Fairy tales they must come to an end. In this case, it ended with the death of his Fiance. For what seemed like no reason Vic's fiance slashed open the man's throat where she began to explain the situation they were in.

Apparently she turned him into a vampire. Of course he needed to feed on blood which explained his irritability and thirst for killing since he arose. After drinking the man's blood he played in to her fantasy of having a companion. It was also now that she explained truly her goal was to get him to love her. She had no interest in loving him as a lover, instead, she wished just a companion which she could bend to her will. He agreed with her as he noticed, pulled, and pointed a pistol towards the back of her head. The lies she told him finally reached the surface of his mind as he executed her. Now was the issue of the current situation. There were two dead bodies in his home.


The evidence was overwhelming that he had the murder weapon so in an effort to keep this  whole ordeal quiet he quickly set the house ablaze in such a way that it charred the bodies beyond recognition. This being said, the town knew only that him and his fiance were now deceased due to a house fire. Leaving the old world behind he started anew searching for a way to repay the race that made him a demon. Later he'd find that purpose in the Red Stahl Freikorps. Of course it didn't hurt he got to kill things along the way. not in the least...


Last edited by Tetrahydrocannabinol on Thu Feb 05, 2015 9:22 pm; edited 34 times in total

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Re: Tetrahydrocannabinol The High (Death by brutality)

Post by Tetrahydrocannabinol on Mon Jan 26, 2015 6:56 pm

Alright, I guess I'm ready for the mass of hate mail. lol. Lets try and dumb down some stuff to make it acceptable : ) Hopefully I can keep most of my character >_>



xD

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Re: Tetrahydrocannabinol The High (Death by brutality)

Post by Ada Koch on Mon Jan 26, 2015 7:47 pm

Kay gonna touch on the weapons because that is my main area of expertise

Starting with his sword. Silver is a bad material and embedding it into the blade I think would compromise it's strength. I could understand maybe a lining of silver on the edge but the word Embedding basically says to me your combining it with another type of metal. In which case it's technically not silver anymore it's an alloy. So I'm not sure but I think it would kinda reduce the abilities that silver would grant it.

That and when exactly did he have this blade made? Was it recent? And if so what makes it important enough to give it such a fancy name? If it's not recent I don't think the Japanese gave out the secret of how to make Katana's to just anyone especially considering their most interaction with Western powers occured in 1543.

Moving onto the hidden blades...I don't know are those Assassins Creed references by any chance? So they do damage to Lycans and Vampires sheesh he's kinda screwed if he faces off against humans than huh? I think you'd need a better system than mini wires and pulleys. Describe how these work a bit more and I've got no problems with em other than I not knowing how really useful they're going to be.

I mean sure they have the cool factor but you use them once and your enemy doesn't die? Kinda just wrist weights by then...

On the bow...That is a very vague description...What exactly is it made of that makes it capable of withstanding no doubt hundreds of pounds of draw weight that he can exert on it. What kind of arrows does he use? Is it big!? Is it pink? I don't know?

Moving to my favorite subject! Guns!

First off 50 Caliber can mean one of two things either A. 50.Caliber BMG or .50 Action Express two very different rounds. So clarify that for me. Give me more detail on the weapons themselves the pictures are pretty sure but c'mon does it have a Safety? an Accutrigger? What's the effective range? What is the magazine size on those puppies and how many rounds does he carry? Please for the love of god don't tell me he carries an unlimited amount in his tiny bag...

Lots of small details can really determine how a firearm functions. How long is the barrel, How heavy is the weapon itself? Is it made of metal or polymer. Does it use a magazine release button or a lever? Striker fired or hammer fired I want to know these things. Guns are all different you can't just be vague with them especially when you try to bring on a custom one...

Also...Nice Ballistic knives don't know why they need the fancy names but...Yeah.

Anyway I'm going to read up more but this is my two cents for now.

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Re: Tetrahydrocannabinol The High (Death by brutality)

Post by Father Anthony Diem on Mon Jan 26, 2015 7:54 pm

Hello there Tetra, if you don't mind I'd just like to say a thing or two about your weapons. Specifically the bladed weapons.

I'll start with the hidden blade. The way Assassin's Creed plays out makes the hidden blade look pretty darn good I'll give you that. But the biggest problem is that for as much force as you exert on the target, that force must then also be put against your blade. The construction of the hidden blade would not really penetrate through flesh, much less supernaturally durable flesh without something to stop it from sliding down his arm the moment he strikes his opponent.

As you can imagine a construction like that would be quite big and bulky, cumbersome to the rest of the arm or the hand, and the real question after you may have actually figured out a way that the blade could technically work is why wouldn't one just use a normal knife?

And the way this reads I'm assuming you've set up something of a ring around your characters finger to be yanked and thus the blade pops out. That is extremely restrictive to hand, imagine not being able to move your finger without knifing something in front of you XD

That is not to say this isn't salvageable however, if one were to have the hidden blade shoot out and then were to grab the blades and then stab their target, that would work fine. It would be just like wielding a normal dagger, and while you could do just that if this tickles your fancy (and indeed it would have it's uses) then go for it.

The other is the Katana, which you say is embedded with silver, silver is quite fragile as a metal, and the Katana relies heavily upon being nigh unbreakable.

The way the Katana is made is very sturdy but when something breaks it's normally pretty bad for the entire sword. That is why there are many different types of measures of hardness, sharpness, flexibility, and etc. that you must consider when making or using a sword. Most of that comes down to personal preference however.

Basically in short, the Hidden blade needs a sturdier way of functioning, and I'm not so sure about the integrity of your katana's blade.

The only other thing I might say is that one could easily take advantage of the shooting knife in your boot by just kicking your leg and having it spring into your foot.

Oh, and your sword is blessed I see. But your character is a vampire, and I do not remember reading that he used gloves or some such construction, so that will burn pretty bad for him to use.

I hope this helps, and if you've anymore questions of even arguments don't be afraid to PM or just put them up in here, thanks for making the sheet, and I'll leave you with just this little bit for now.





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Re: Tetrahydrocannabinol The High (Death by brutality)

Post by Father Anthony Diem on Mon Jan 26, 2015 7:55 pm

Curse you Ada Wink You beat me to it.

EDIT: Also if you want a bow that can hold up to your strength go with a composite bow! I'm not saying it will necessarily be able to stand up to the full supernatural strength of a vampire as your character levels up, but it definitely would be better than a reinforced recurve, (and I think you could probably get a composite recurve actually!)

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Almighty Lord, Word of God the Father, Jesus Christ, God and Lord of all creation; who gave to your holy apostles the power to tramp underfoot serpents and scorpions; who along with the other mandates to work miracles was pleased to grant them the authority to say: "Depart, you devils!" and by whose might Satan was made to fall from heaven like lightning; I humbly call on your holy name in fear and trembling, asking that you grant me, your unworthy servant, pardon for all my sins, steadfast faith, and the power - supported by your mighty arm - to confront with confidence and resolution this cruel demon. I ask this through you, Jesus Christ, our Lord and God, who are coming to judge both the living and the dead and the world by fire.
~Exorcism Rite of 1999.

http://duskcrusade.pro-forum.co.uk/t16-father-anthony-diem

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Re: Tetrahydrocannabinol The High (Death by brutality)

Post by Henry Travers on Mon Jan 26, 2015 9:50 pm

Hello there. I'll be taking this one section at a time.

Name: Alright then.

Age: That is awfully old for a low level vampire. I assume there's an explanation later on but barring that, it could be an issue.

Gender: Fine.

Race: Please include which level of vampire you are.

Sexuality: Alright then.

Organization: Fine.

Rank: Whatever floats your boat, son.

Appearance: He wants to blend in like shadows by wearing a red trench coat? Point of fact, simple kevlar weaves do quite a lot to lessen the impact trauma of bullets but they aren't nearly as effective against edged weaponry.

Equipment:
- Argentum Unquis - As the others have said, a silver alloy will be rather weak for a sword and as I said in the chatbox the other night, I'm hesitant to allow a sword that not only hurts supernatural creatures but also slows their ability to heal. Finally, the presence of silver and blessings should make the weapon toxic to you as a vampire.

- Wristblades - Same issue with the sword. Silver alloy will be a weak choice for a blade.

- Offensio & Reverentia - What is the ammo capacity on these weapons and how much spare ammunition does he carry on his person?

- Bow of Precision - What is the draw weight on this bow? What kind of arrows is he using? Come to think of it, you don't even have arrows listed in your equipment. Does he not carry any?

Personality:
You mention that James is the more kind personality only to describe James as a murderous madman in the very next paragraph. Overall, I'm having a difficult time really getting a handle on what's going on here. You're going for Abridged! Alucard while simultaneously adding in a Hollywood multiple personality disorder. There's no real flow to the information and things just feel slapped together.

Abilities:
Despite having all those bladed weapons, you make no mention of any close combat training. You won't last long just flailing desperately. Second, this illusion power of yours is far too vague. Is it only visual? Does it target all the senses? Why bother with smoke if he can do it with a simple chant? Why cannabis? As with the multiple personality disorder, this ability seems hastily tacked on and lacks limitations as well as detail. Finally, you'll need to copy/paste the standard vampire abilities in addition to your unique personal talents.

Multilingual - Every language that has ever been spoken? That's a wee bit much, friend.

Causality Perception - You'll need to give additional explanation for this ability because as it stands, it seems like you're trying to see the future without outright saying you can see the future. There will be no future sight, son.

Absolute Intellect - You'll need to give additional explanation here as well. As it stands, the description is repetitive as everything is already covered by your other mental abilities.

Biography:
- I'm not fond of prodigies capable of beating master archers at the age of six.
- If the illusion power skips a generation, how does his aunt have a better shot at training him than his own mother?
- Awfully convenient that he just so happened to stumble across this random shop run by a vampire.
- Your terminology is off using "ghoul" and its actions don't match up with our established canon.
- Now two random women show up to turn him into a vampire?
- This mental illness seems entirely random.
- He just so happened to stumble across a Japanese swordsmith with knowledge of the occult under siege by lycans? Awkwardly convenient. How did they even communicate? When did he learn Japanese?
- Most of this bio is solely dedicated to the convenient backflips he landed to gain such an odd armory.
- Why did James, supposedly the kind personality, agree to commit murder on behalf of a woman he barely knew?
- He was in Russia in 1945. Even if it took him 10 years to get back to his sire, that's only 1955 and there is no way they're going to have almost 200 billion dollars. Do you understand how much money that was back then?
- Why is he killing his sire after all this time? Why is he quoting Hellsing Abridged years before it was made?
- You killed the sire. The "ghoul" should go down as well.

Prior to the Biography, I would have posted this without a vote. However, looking at the sheet now, the edits required to bring it up to my standards would render it an entirely different character. Therefore, I'll simply go ahead and vote.

APPROVALS: 00

DISAPPROVALS: 01

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Re: Tetrahydrocannabinol The High (Death by brutality)

Post by Tetrahydrocannabinol on Tue Jan 27, 2015 8:12 pm

Okeydokey. All ze fixes have been fixed, recreations recreated and totalitarian rule established!

*thumbs up with sun glasses on*

Lets do dis shiz

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Re: Tetrahydrocannabinol The High (Death by brutality)

Post by Henry Travers on Tue Jan 27, 2015 9:35 pm

From the top, step by step.

Name: Check.

Age: Check.

Gender: Check.

Race: Check.

Sexuality: Check.

Organization: Check.

Rank: Check.

Appearance: Very solid. I'm especially happy to see the inclusion of multiple outfits. Well done. If you could, please add in just a bit more detail on his physical features. A general description of his facial features (narrow face? wide face? high cheek bones? etc.) and a passing mention of his build (body builder? swimmer's build? big ole fat guy? XD) will be perfect.

Equipment: Does he carry anything other than weapons? Wallet? Cell phone? If he doesn't that's perfectly fine. I just want to be sure that we're on the same page. I like the updated weapons though. You've trimmed a lot of the fat and what's left are quality pieces. Would you mind including a measurement on those knives please? I have no problems with them, I'd just like to know what they're made of and how long they are.

Personality: A very strong start. I'd just like you to elaborate a little more on what you already have. What does he like? What does he dislike? Does he have hobbies? Does he have any dreams he's working towards making a reality?

Abilities: You haven't really elaborated upon that illusion power. There's nothing wrong with illusion powers and you can most certainly use them but I need to have a better idea on how it works and what its limitations are before I can approve it. Is it only visual? Does it target all the senses? Why bother with smoke if he can do it with a simple chant?

Before I forget, you might want to add in marksmanship and perhaps knife fighting to his abilities so he can get the most out of his weaponry.

I'll leave the commentary on the biography to another member of the Staff but these comments should give you something to work with for the time being. Overall, you've shown massive improvement compared to the last character. Very nicely done and keep up the good work.


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Re: Tetrahydrocannabinol The High (Death by brutality)

Post by Tetrahydrocannabinol on Wed Jan 28, 2015 2:23 am

Alright. I think I covered everything you mentioned. If I missed something or perhaps there's something you think I should have but don't please let me know.

And sorry for being a headache XD



again XD


EDIT: PS: I had the wallet stuff there before but I guess it wasn't outlined well. So I put a header before it to make it more noticeable.

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Re: Tetrahydrocannabinol The High (Death by brutality)

Post by John Smith on Thu Jan 29, 2015 4:53 pm

I was asked specifically to look at the biography here for reasons, so I guess I'll do that.

Tetrahydrocannabinol wrote:Vicente was born in Ukraine, 1991. He went to school like a normal child learning Russian, later learning Latin and English as side languages before graduating. At the age of seventeen

That's a boring-ass life if literally nothing of interested happened before he turned 17. Nothing formative in them there formative years.

Bored Children wrote:he met a mysterious twenty four year old woman who seemed interesting in him. Obviously this was a tiny bit weird but he went with it, she was hot after all. Later it would be revealed that her interest in him was for companionship for eternity. Little did he knew that meant actual eternity. His life in school was largely uneventful and resulted in graduation at the age of eighteen. For two years he attended the military tours of Russia.

So, we just established last time that he already graduated at the appropriate age in the Ukraine (17), but now he's going for another year. Did he fail?

And good introduction on a character that, apparently, has no bearing on the plot whatsoever at this point, yet you feel compelled to explain her motivation and whatnot during the first paragraph of the story...because the Kool-Aid Man is red.

So, after all this confusing time warp stuff, he up and decides, "Hey, I'm going to go fight in the Russian military!" No need for training, I guess? I'm really not all that informed on the Russian army's enlistment program, but I have a feeling it's a little more complicated than that.

Gerp? wrote:After his service ended he found himself at a loss for what to do. For a few days he simply wandered around town from time to time. It was during these wanderings that he met a new friend that knew MMA.



Yep wrote:He found out this person knew MMA because a woman had been mugged.

Such compelling backstory. I really feel for this unnamed character.

All the feels wrote:Vic chased after this man, oddly enough, to "save the purse." By the time he caught up to the man he had been put down in an instant by a Martial Artist.

The wording in that last sentence is very misleading. Apparently, this was your guy discovering this guy (still no name) because some lady got mugged and the worst thing to happen was a stolen purse.

We need names wrote:This surprised Vic quite a bit so the two got to discussing what happened. Eventually they seemed like good friends and even decided to hang out. Oddly enough however, he also found out around this time that he had latent Illusionary powers. This was passed down by his father apparently which he didn't know. With that, he practiced until he was able to control it. Of course he found that it was interesting if he combined it with a certain Botanical plant known as Cannabis.

Yeah, fuck motivation! Just throw shit at the wall and see what sticks. No reason why he wants to help this lady get her purse back (apparently that's odd, according to this biography). At the very least, I can understand why Nameless Man #1 would be your friend, so good job there.

But now he's suddenly Itachi because his daddy had magic sperm, or something. And it gets even more powerful when he's 420 blazin' because reasons. Just decides he likes getting stoned now, too.

Big Boss the Stoner wrote:For two years he trained with this man learning new techniques and even bettering his current ones.

He had current techniques? When was this established? Those two years of military combat with no training period?

REASONS wrote:This formed quite a bond between the two. Though his bond with his fiance was much stronger by far.

Oh, shit!

Sorry, surprised me. I forgot Unnamed Vampire #1 still existed. Not sure why this is relevant, but at least she's not dead.

I have a bad feeling.

Countdown to Death wrote:Though it was around the end of the two years that he was told about something called the Red Stahl Freikorps. For some reason Vic felt that name meant something to him, perhaps like a kind of possible thing to fill that opening he's been having. Of course he was mentioned in a discussion and accepted by the RSF.

Wow, look at this. None of this is correct.

First of all, the RSF has only been around for a couple months in-game. I have no idea how the passage of time works in this backstory, but I can assure you they don't exist at this point if your age is any indication.

Secondly, who mentioned him? Unnamed Man #1? And why would he do that? Because he can sort of fight against a friendly combatant? He's of literally zero use to an organization made of hardcore veteran monster hunters. His two years are pretty much nothing to these guys.

Also, I'm not sure what "Red Steel Nazis" means to you, but that's a big ol' sign to stay the fuck away to me. Or to rock the fuck out, since that'd be a good name for a band.

Delusions of Grandeur wrote:The starting of this year was when all hell broke loose.

Oh.

Good.

We're at that part.



Yep wrote:Vic's Fiance had asked if he loved her. After saying yes she asked if he wanted to be with her forever. Once again he replied with yes. He was turned into a vampire shortly after to start their new eternal happiness fairy tale.

Put the absurdity of this aside for a moment in a nice little box, since I need to talk about something else first. I legitimately do not understand why all these vampires keep falling in love with humans. They are fundamentally different beings now turning someone into a vampire basically makes you their parent. This is not a good relationship model.

I can be lenient, though. Maybe if this human is just super interesting, or they had a pre-existing relationship before, or something. But none of that applies here, since she apparently fell in love with him at first sight the moment he graduated high school...because Kirby is pink.

Now, back to this scene itself. "Hey, honey, do you love me?" "Well, sure. We've been engaged for, like, fifteen years now. Why wouldn't I?" "Just checking. ON NOM NOM NOM!"

I guess he gets no say in whether or not he wants to be a vampire. That's just her dream, because she can't communicate with people of her own species and is just super into kids. Seriously, how do you even hide this from someone for as amazingly long as they seem to have been together?

Stranger Danger wrote:Vic's friend came to him and told him, with his fiance in the room, about being accepted to the RSF. Of course with all Fairy tales they must come to an end. In this case, it ended with the death of his Fiance.

There we go. Hope your refrigerator is running, because we just shoved Nameless Vampire #1 right in there.

Also.



Because if we stick with one scene and fully develop it before moving on, the audience might actually know what's going on. Better to switch subjects a sentence in for effect. We could have fully fleshed out characters in this backstory, complete with names and motivations, but nah.

Can't even wrote:For some reason, upon hearing RSF she bolted towards Fic's friend who proceeded to shoot her in the head killing her nearly instantly.

Yeah... This happened...

Not only are they new, they're just a normal PMC group on the surface. Hunting monsters is their underground business, and they don't even wear their insignia on their uniform during it. The fact she'd know of them is absurd. Even more absurd is the fact this man has the reflexes necessary to draw a gun, aim it, and shoot a vampire right in the head as he's surprised.

And how much of a moron is this woman to just lunge at a motherfucker like that? Best case scenario, she just murdered someone in front of Nameless Prota- Vic, and then she has to explain some of that backstory we'll never get. Worst case scenario is LITERALLY EVERYONE IN THE ROOM DIES.

Magic! wrote:She didn't seem all that strong of a vampire. Vicente was torn between his friend and his late future wife. He felt he had to avenge her. Calmly he told his friend to hand him the gun as it was now evidence in a crime. Taking this gun, he placed a quick perfect shot which struck his friend square between the eyes. Since both were dead, and his fiance was avenged he felt he was ready to start a new life.

Because that's how you react to murder happening right in front of you. And they're totally going to let you work for them now that you just up and killed one of their soldiers. Who, for reasons unknown to humankind, willingly gives you the weapon to do so.

What? wrote:The evidence was overwhelming that he had the murder weapon so in an effort to keep this  whole ordeal quiet he quickly set the house ablaze in such a way that it charred the bodies beyond recognition. This being said, the town knew only that him and his fiance were now deceased due to a house fire. Leaving the old world behind he started anew as a member of the Red Stahl Freikorps.

Guess no one noticed those gunshots. Or the gun in the fire. And RSF didn't notice they lost a guy. And nobody noticed the dental records of these charred corpses. Or the bullet holes in said corpses. And nothing else got caught in the fire. And no one saw him leave the scene of the crime covered in blood. And no one searched for a suspect following all this.



If I was actually reviewing the sheet as a whole, I'd probably can it at this point. I'd do the same just reading this part, actually. I'm not, though, so just consider these some notes. The biography is one of the most fundamentally important parts of a character, right next to personality. If your backstory makes no sense, then your character makes no sense.

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Re: Tetrahydrocannabinol The High (Death by brutality)

Post by Tetrahydrocannabinol on Thu Jan 29, 2015 10:08 pm

I think I fixed everything

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Re: Tetrahydrocannabinol The High (Death by brutality)

Post by Henry Travers on Thu Feb 05, 2015 4:55 pm

Once more from the top, covering the potential areas of issue from last time.  

Abilities:
Thank you for elaborating on the illusions.  The only thing that gives me pause is the third and most powerful level since it's essentially a one hit KO.  I could see it potentially working in a later update but for now it's a no go especially since I have yet to see how you plan to play these illusion powers.  On that subject, while there is precedent for illusionary powers on the forum, there is a very fine line about acceptable applications of them.  I'll be watching you to make sure there's no funny business.  This will be my only warning, please do not disappoint me.  

APPROVALS: 01 (Pending the removal of the most powerful illusion level)


Last edited by Henry Travers on Thu Feb 05, 2015 5:03 pm; edited 1 time in total

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Re: Tetrahydrocannabinol The High (Death by brutality)

Post by Eleanor Harkness on Thu Feb 05, 2015 4:57 pm

Same as Travers.

Approvals: 02
Disapprovals: 00

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Re: Tetrahydrocannabinol The High (Death by brutality)

Post by Father Anthony Diem on Thu Feb 05, 2015 4:59 pm

I shall have to agree with the condition. But also with the approval.

Approvals: 3

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Re: Tetrahydrocannabinol The High (Death by brutality)

Post by Tetrahydrocannabinol on Thu Feb 05, 2015 7:12 pm

If I might propose an alternate route with this, instead of removing it perhaps remodeling it. What if I completely remove the lethality factor, albeit somewhat difficult. Considering how I was taught to rp xD I shouldn't be saying this but I have gathered extensive knowledge on illusionary magics as it has always been my, er, forte, as it were. Thus being said I learned a lot of the mind. Thus stems my ability to perceive what is and is not possible due to an illusionary standpoint.

That being said it can easily be mended to remove the possible lethality factor in itself, leaving the sensory overload as the "ultimate" technique. It must also be noted that unless pushed beyond all possible points Vic's personality prevents him from killing a person in this way due to boredom.


Last and most definitely the strongest of his illusions is the use of touching. If the opponent is touched by Vicente the opponent essentially enters a world created by him. Though this only affects touch, sight, smell, taste, and hearing. Being as the mind works the way it does the body will imitate the feelings of every consequent action done inside this realm. However never fatal, it results in an overload of sensory perception thus knocking the entity unconscious for 1 post. These illusions only last 1 post due to high strain.

I can also add a sufficient cooldown if that would compliment a successful verdict in keeping it. Lets see, if need be I can up the cooldown to 4 posts and for that time he's unable to use some of his vampiric powers.

Alternatively, if I may suggest a rework of my current Illusionary powers utilizing the first two parts as cannon(Still useable):

Vicenete's final and last resort illusionary power is engaged by touch. Whereby, the opponent is engulfed in a falsehood which torments, sight, hearing, touch, and smell. Using this false reality, Vicente may mold this reality to his own ends in any way he sees fit. This technique will last for 1 post. Counted to that the cooldown for use will be one extra post after use. This technique can convey pain due to the mental acuity of the brain to be unable to perceive the falsehoods as falsehoods as it does with dreams or day-dreams. In essence, the captured person will be unable to tell the pain or threat is not real. There is residual pain based on the healing properties of the opponent, pain which is perceived by larger wounds would still be there. So in explanation, the pain lasts how long the brain thinks it's healing it or needs healing.


So as it's not written it can't be used to overload the senses or cause fatal injury. However if in the illusion I stab them in the foot say, they feel like they were stabbed in the foot.

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Re: Tetrahydrocannabinol The High (Death by brutality)

Post by Father Anthony Diem on Thu Feb 05, 2015 7:57 pm

We have talked it over a bit and we are still not willing to allow you this power, even if your character would not use it based off of his personality that doesn't change the fact that he still has it. It is overpowered for a character just starting out, and that is a fact.

You can either take what we approved (your character with the small exception of your illusionary ability.) Or leave it.

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Re: Tetrahydrocannabinol The High (Death by brutality)

Post by Tetrahydrocannabinol on Thu Feb 05, 2015 8:25 pm

Mk. So revised version as an unlockable for high tier Vampirism? I can live with that.

Edited and stashed away for later!

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Re: Tetrahydrocannabinol The High (Death by brutality)

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