Reiley (WIP)

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Reiley (WIP)

Post by Reiley on Thu Jan 09, 2014 10:06 pm

[Removed]


Last edited by Reiley on Tue Feb 25, 2014 2:34 pm; edited 8 times in total
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Reiley

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Join date : 2013-10-25

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Souls: 1
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Re: Reiley (WIP)

Post by John Smith on Sun Jan 12, 2014 3:23 pm

Lenka wrote:(I hate how this is short... should probably be longer.)

(Also: This relies on Enfield, as the two sheets go hand-in-hand. Some of this will not make sense without reading Enfield's sheet, or maybe because I write weird/senseless things.)

Keeping that in mind, I guess.

Aight wrote:Name: Lenka Linkletter, aka Sparky Linkletter.

Throwing me curve balls real quick, guy.

S wrote:Age: 38, appears 18.

Gender: Male

Appearance: He stands 5' 4", at 119 lbs, with a somewhat-sorta-kinda thin appearance, and platinum blond hair that reaches just below his ear, he's also got a reasonable amount of muscle, no-where near bodybuilder status, but not a twig like me, either. Also, He had a 'Stache going, but shaved it because he couldn't find any good shades that went with it. He wears a custom-made black military uniform, consisting of a black undershirt, black combat pants, (No prizes to who guesses the color of the jacket) and a black jacket, complete with a multitude of pouches, clips, and areas to stick stuff. As for a helmet, it's just a Mk. II British one that he picked up at a surplus store. For colder environments, he adds a black greatcoat on over his usual uniform, with white fur around the neck.

Amazing lack of detail in all departments here.

Persona 4 wrote:Equipment:

CheyTac Intervention M-310 R: Firing .408 caliber rounds from a 7-round detachable box magazine. The rifle is equipped with a McArthur PGRS-1 muzzle brake, Nightforce NXS 5.5-22x56 variable magnification optic, telescopic stock, and a bipod. Lenka carries six magazines, as well as one in the gun, for a total of 49 rounds.

Calico M960: Firing 9x19mm Parabellum rounds from a 100-round helical magazine, featuring a retractable stock and a forward hand grip. Lenka carries two spare magazines and one in the gun at all times, totaling 300 rounds.

M50 Joint Service General Mask: The mask has a single lens that spans the width of the face, twin conformal filters, and gives eye-respiratory protection in nuclear, biological and chemical situations. It features a light that turns blue when the filters are expired. The mask is black, with the lens having a variable tint between clear and nearly black. (I reworded this the best I could.)

Extremely short with little detail. Nothing but weapons, either.

Nyeh wrote:Race: Advanced Human

Abilities:
After nagging Enfield into mutating his DNA in the same way of Enfield's own, Lenka too received the incedibly slowed aging, as well as quickened regeneration, though not by as much. Instead, the mutation increased his base strength, agility, stamina, and reflexes, as well as increasing the durability of his body.

Onto other things, He's a great shot with his rifle, helped along by the fact the .408 CheyTac was designed to be an extreme-range rifle, as well as a rather good shot with his Calico, both of which are credited to his being a merc for a while longer than would seem. Jus' a lil' bit longer.

Otherwise, he's fairly good at cooking, cleaning, and scouring the mercenary forums with the utmost perfection. He also plays World of Tanks, with an Ace Tanker mastery badge on all 492 tanks in game. (I have 110 so far, and those sons of bitches are HARD to get. This is for lulz.)


(Below stats level up, with 2 Souls per level (Increases all by .5)
Regenerative Potential: Level 0.75 (20 posts for major damage)
Physical Abilities: Level 1
Durability: Level 1 (Minor resistance to blunt weapons)

Organization: None, yet.

So, almost nothing here, and I'm sure hoping that mutation stuff gets explained in here, rather than just directing me to that other sheet.

Short wrote:Personality: He's generally happy, curious, and a rather good influence to others. (In normal circumstances, anyway.) Although, Since he's enrolled in the family business, he's been rather surrounded by death, as well as causing it. While he doesn't dislike killing, he doesn't particularly enjoy it. If a scene with a 'Impressive' amount of gore arises, he will skirt his way around it without looking. Otherwise, he enjoys going out to shooting ranges to practice, as well as getting paid. I mean, That's the only reason he's a merc. Money. 

Rank: None as of yet.

Personality tells us next to nothing about him aside from how he kills things but doesn't like blood.

Comprehensive writing wrote:(I apologize if everything here-down is extremely crappy. Just tell me what I need to fix/rewrite. Writing a good bio for a Merc seems to be the bane of my existence.)

Biography:  Born in Eastern Germany in 1976, to Randolph and Lyra Linkletter. Lenka was a relatively good student, maintaining mostly a B-Average through his schooling. (Correct me if this is not how Germany works.) At age 10, his father begins teaching him how to shoot (At least, at this point, with a BB gun. Fallout 3 Status.) He takes up English as a second class in High School, though barely slides through without failing. When he finally reaches 16, his father teaches him how to handle a regular rifle. At 18, Bam. Becomes a merc because it's the family business. Conversation probably went like: "Dad. I don't want to be a merc." 'Do you want to have bread on the table, son?' "Yes..." 'Well, Get used to it.' (Though that conversation would have probably been in German...)

That is, in fact, NOT how German grades work. Research is your friend.

The way this is written is laughably bad. I'm wondering why you marked it as complete if you're going to be this half-assed about it.

Why? wrote:As the family's only source of income was the mercenary business. Even though, at first he doesn't do much, mainly just being a cook that rolls along with his family on jobs and such, until he eventually gets it into his head that he's got to do something. Around this point, at 19, Randolph takes a job in America, stopping by to see his brother Adam in Texas. Here, Lenka met his cousin Enfield, who one could sum up as a scientist. Lenka found Enfield had rather interesting stories to tell, eventually getting to the part about slowed aging. Lenka, as is with most people, didn't want to get old, ever, so he began a quest of nagging Enfield into giving him the mutation as well. (Don't keep it all to yourself you jerk!) Lenka found the prospect of intensely slowed aging thrilling, as nobody really wants to get old anyway. After Lenka managed to bug him nearly to insanity, (Joking) Enfield finally caved in and gave the younger Linkletter the mutation. While it effected him nearly the same way as Enfield, it differed slightly, while giving him regeneration, it wasn't as quick as Enfield's, though his physical abilities surpassed his cousin's. (This is in 1994)

This reads like a parody of serious roleplaying, rather than an actual attempt at it.

Why? wrote:The true greatness of the mutation showed during the actual mission in America, where it saved his ass, Literally. While all up in this skyscraper, Lenka received a round to the posterior, which then regenerated, so it appeared that he was only narrowly missed. (...Just for Lulz... and... *Looks to Aiden.* Nobody was around to witness the actual shot, though.) This bout of missions and ass-saving continued into 2012, when Randolph became ill, and hospitalized during another mission in 'Murica. (Hospitalized in Houston, Texas.) Lenka, not exactly desiring to spend money on an apartment when he could live with his family for free, moved in with Enfield, Adam, and Eva in Woodsboro, probably giving Enfield a fistbump or fifty, and thanking him about six thousand times.

(Woo! Technically, no tragedy!)

If you were aware of how bad this was, why mark it complete? You wasted your time in doing this when you could be revising the sheet, and you wasted my time in reviewing it.
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John Smith
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Souls: 1
Organization: Independent
Race: Human

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